Over the last few decades, I have come to the realisation that we have a broken culture when it comes to mental health.
This is the first of a series of blogs about mental health, from my own perspective, about living and dealing with mental health issues. I will share my experience of mental health and suicide, the personal impact and the struggle with a poor work culture and an inadequate health and welfare system. Most importantly, I would like to help create an awareness of mental health issues to help fix what I see as a failing system. A big thank you to my friends and family who have encouraged and supported me to speak out and start this journey. I would appreciate your patience, feedback, input and comments.
A natural place for me to start is that of beinga carer as this is the biggest lens through which I have recently seen (and experienced) the difficulties withmental health support. It is an area that receives very little attention and,all too often, is treated as a box ticking exercise by corporations. I expect that many of you reading this have or suspectthey will experience a very similar situation where you will find yourselfsupporting elderly and unwell family members, with mental health issues. In mycase, just trying to cope with a bi-polar daughter who suffered from psychosisand schizophrenia was hard enough and brought me close to the edge. My experience with the corporate culture of “support”during these difficult times has been pretty negative. To demonstrate my point,I have taken extracts from an email I sent to the CEO and a senior executive inone of my previous companies, at a time when everything seemed to conspireagainst me, I was on my knees and the support I needed just wasn’t there.
“Dear …….&….., In light of our company values, I would like tobring your attention to my current situation in a personal email, that has beenvery hard to write at a very difficult time.I took great pride in telling my family andfriends that I worked for a company with high ethics. I felt very much part ofthe company and it was indicated by the management team that my plans werefully supported. This all changed for me, in a dramatic series ofevents. I was recently informed that the mother of my youngest child, aged six,had breast and lymph node cancer which had moved to an advanced stage. I let mymanager and HR know about this. To make matters worse, two weeks ago whilsttravelling in my motorhome, with my family, including my 84-year-old mother and6-year-old son, we had an almost fatal crash, ending up on our side andshutting the M6. I let my manager know what happened and I spent the followingweeks in a strange state of trauma. On top of this my eldest daughter who isbi-polar and suffers from schizophrenia, just had another major episode.
Following the crash,I had to look after my youngest as his mother was having a cancer consultation.I explained my current situation to my boss and that I would be coming into theoffice with my son. Whilst in the office she called me to inform me that hercancer had spread to the lymph node in her neck and that they couldn’t operate.I was extremely upset and immediately told my boss this news, as he walked meinto a meeting room with HR, to tell me that I had been selected forredundancy.
During the meeting,my six-year-old came to the meeting room to ask for my help, which was devastating.I left the meeting in a state of shock with no support and had to drop off mycrying son, with his ill mother who had just been given her own terrible news. To make matters worse, on the Saturday followingmy redundancy selection, my mother (who lived with me) passed away. She wasalso still in trauma from all the recent events.”
Following this email, I didn’t get a singleresponse or offer of support from the CEO, my manager or any of the extendedexecutive team apart from stock messages from HR. It left me feeling totallyisolated. Not only was I dealing with grief and trauma, but now no job orcompany support network. The above situation was the worst I had experienced,but is not an isolated episode.
During the later stages of both my parents livesthey both needed care. It was particularly hard with my dad who had Alzheimer’s.I shared the care with my brother and care companies with help from my partner,friends and family. It could be highly rewarding, and I believe an essentialpart of who I am and what a family is. Even so, at times it was totallyoverwhelming. What was I to do when I had to attend or fly to an importantcompany meeting when one of my parents or my daughter needed help withoutwarning? On one occasion, both my dad and daughter werecritically ill, in different hospitals in opposite parts of the country. I didn’t even know which way to point the car. Rather than let my boss know thatI had to travel round the clock, I just did it. The reason being that he wasonly interested in what value I could add to the company and the more time Itook off for whatever reason, the more vulnerable our positions were. No-one wants to be seen as not capable of doingtheir job. The reality is poor mental health is seen as a weakness. One of thehardest things to tell your boss is to admit that you have mental healthissues. In my experience – at least initially – your boss is supportive, but astime goes on and you continue to struggle, miss or be late for meetings andturn up to work exhausted, you find yourself faced with one of threechoices:
1) Open up to the boss about your issues The first option is that you open up to your management about your own mental health issues. The problem is that, when you are a carer, you can’t afford to let yourself become mentally ill. As you continue down this path, you end up being labelled as mentally unstable, receiving occupational health, possible a short period off work and then side-lined as a weak link.
Rarely in my experience has any company offeredflexible working, personal support and a real sense that they really want tohelp. Not because they are necessarily bad people, but they are under so muchpressure themselves and have bought into the relentless corporate aim forcareer progression and growth. They also have very little training orexperience in this area; thus they just want to sweep the problem under thecarpet.
2) I need some support and flexibility to help a familymemberThe fear of being seen as mentally ill yourselfdrives people to the second option, which is to ask for flexibility and support.Initially everyone is supportive, but after a while they just see you as notcommitted to the company. The sales culture which I have spent most of mycareer in, just doesn’t tolerate weakness. I do understand why, with theruthless pursuit of profit and results. However, the contradiction is that thelack of support is creating a sick and disillusioned work force.
In one case, when my father died, my boss said thatI should take as much time as I needed. The day after my father’s death my bossemailed me to let me know that I only get one day of unpaid bereavement leaveand that I would be expected back in work in a week. It wasn’t that I had topay, it was the lack of support that got me. I genuinely thought this companywas quite caring, but the reality soon dawned on me that my days were numbered.In fact, I was then made redundant that same week when my daughter was also ill.Fortunately, one senior exec in the company recognised the error of their waysand offered me a new role.
It is sad that my dad dying meant I had one lessperson to support and I could focus more on work, but in reality I wasexhausted and still had my unwell mum (who moved in with me), sick daughter andother family members to support. Something always breaks in this kind ofscenario and unfortunately it was me.
3) Say nothingThe last option is to say nothing, be a stoicand try to continue as normal. This never ends well and often is the cause ofthe carer then becoming the patient. In this scenario everyone loses. Thefamily lose the main carer, the company lose a valuable employee and the socialand health services have to pick up the pieces. Unfortunately, I think this isthe route most people take for fear of losing their jobs. For years I deferredto this option and just tried to soldier through. Not even my family knew whatI was going through. I think the carer has a rough time and I haven’teven touched the issues with dealing with the demands of family members withdisabilities, dementia, the NHS and social services. Then add the police andthe lower rungs of society when it comes to mental health issues and it becomesa mine field. Two of my most over used expressions recently have been “Everyoneis losing the plot” and “There must be a solution”. All subjects for anotherblog.
Supporting Carers: A Path Forward
Supporting carers within the workplace isn’t just a compassionate choice; it’s essential for fostering a healthy, resilient workforce. Carers juggle immense personal responsibilities alongside their professional roles, often at the cost of their own well-being. By creating flexible working options, offering mental health resources, and fostering a supportive culture, companies can make a real difference in carers' lives.
For me personally, this type of support could have made an immense difference during the most difficult times. If my workplace had understood the pressures I faced, from caring for my daughter during a mental health crisis to managing my parents’ needs, I could have avoided the sense of isolation, the exhaustion, and the career setbacks that followed. Knowing there was genuine support and flexibility would have allowed me to better balance my responsibilities and maintain my mental well-being. Addressing the needs of carers is not only a step toward a more inclusive workplace but a commitment to a society where people don’t have to choose between caring for their loved ones and maintaining their careers.
Conclusion – Improving Corporate Attitudes Towards Mental Health
So, what can be done to help carers and support mental health in the workplace? Encouragingly, many companies are beginning to address this issue more seriously, with initiatives that reflect a shift in attitudes. Programs such as "Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) training" (www.mhfaengland.org) are becoming common, equipping employees with skills to recognize and support colleagues in distress. Additionally, "corporate mental health programs" like those offered by Cognomie (www.cognomie.com) and "Headspace for Work" are on the rise, providing organizations with structured pathways to address mental health challenges, build resilience, and improve overall well-being.
Many organizations are also training managers in mental health awareness, helping them to identify signs of stress, offer support proactively, and develop a supportive culture within their teams. Some companies, like Unilever and HSBC, are actively integrating mental health resources through Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), which offer free counseling services and mental health resources for employees and their families. Others, such as Deloitte and PwC, have adopted policies that allow flexible working arrangements and extended leave options for carers and those dealing with family crises, creating a culture of empathy and understanding.
While these are promising steps, we still need a sustained commitment to comprehensive, ongoing programs that genuinely shift workplace culture. Opening this pressure valve with real, meaningful support structures is essential if we want to prevent a future of broken people, broken companies, and ultimately, a broken society.
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